Hiya loves! It’s been a few weeks.
Truthfully, I didn’t mean to go so quiet. I’m now on my final few pieces of coursework for my degree so obviously my mind has been in other places, but I’ve also had the added setback of having my phone die a total death a few weeks ago. That meant only desktop access to social media and emails, no camera access, and slowly it practically became a landline – but fear not, for I managed to secure an early upgrade and get back into society with an iPhone 8. Phew.
Anyway, all of this meant that I’ve been much quieter than I’d planned. But as much as I hate how sparse my April upload calendar looks annually, this year I’m pretty glad I’ve had the opportunity to take a step back.
First off, it’s been a bit of a manic year. Not that any particular events have occurred to make it so – none that are life-changing, anyway. But those who know me in person will know, or will have at least noticed, that I’ve not been myself in the last six months or so. And for that feeling to have come along at such a crucial time… well, it’s been a bit crazy. I’ve been trying to juggle a social life, my education, little side projects, my ambitions and a whole other jumble of things. That’s totally normal in life of course, but sometimes you just need to stop and start again, and slowly build everything back up.
So, for the last month, I’ve hit the pause button. I stopped saying “yes” to every social event invite, and I reflected on my social circle. Yes, this sounds totally dramatic, but I have a bad habit of allowing people to become my primary focus with little or no effort. I say “bad”, because sometimes I hold these people so high that they take over from those who genuinely do matter, as well as myself. And as of late, I’ve allowed myself to open up to people so much that when they decided I was of no use to them, they cut themselves off from me and it all hit me hard. It’s taken until now to realise how stupid that was, and that at this stage, my main concern should be finishing my undergraduate and reaching graduation. I suppose I really should thank them!
Aside from running away from potential disasters, I also had to move the blog to the back of my mind for a while. I realised that I started falling back into the practice of writing for the sake of writing rather than when I really needed to say something – and with that, it started to feel more like a chore than a passion. I find it so frustrating when I have to force myself to write, whether it be a piece of coursework or a post on here – and I couldn’t be annoyed at having to do both at the same time, so the blog got pushed to the side while I worked on academic reports. I’m glad I did, otherwise I’d have probably got sick of it and chucked my laptop out the window or something. I know it’s only been like three weeks, but I hope that even a few weeks have made a difference in my motivation to type away (I wanted to say “pick up a pen”… typing doesn’t sound half as poetic).
So, yeah. While I know a “pause button” doesn’t exactly exist, and sometimes you just need to get on with life no matter what pace it’s going at, sometimes you also just need to take a moment to reassess things and work out where to go from there. I’m feeling a hella lot better, and I’m getting much closer to the university finishing line. ALSO. While I was absent from here I applied for a Masters degree in Broadcast Journalism – and I’ve been given a conditional offer! So hopefully that means super exciting things to come. The condition is that I get my honours degree at a 2:2 or higher first, though, so for now it’s back to the library for me…