You’d be forgiven for thinking I’m not absolutely terrified about undertaking a masters degree. I’ve only mentioned it about a zillion times on here, and I keep talking about how excited I am on social media.
But if I’m being totally honest, reality is starting to set in now. I start my new course on Monday, and since the start of the week I’ve been hit suddenly with a feeling of dread and insecurity. Don’t get me wrong; I can’t wait to continue at GCU and return to my cheer team and societies, but there’s something quite nerve-wracking about starting a whole new degree.
I mean, first off – WHY am I putting myself through this all over again!? This was something that popped into my head at the weekend and I haven’t been able to shake it off since. I exhausted myself both physically and emotionally just to earn my Honours degree after four years, and now I’m throwing myself straight back in there for another one… by choice!? And not only that, but I’m paying to do so!? WHIT? If I hear one more person say “rather you than me” when I bring this up, I think I’ll actually cry.
Not only that, but I spent those four years seeing the same faces in my class every day, progressing alongside them from a 17 year old who was new to the big city and mainland life, to a 21 year old who had totally changed (in a good way… I hope) from her former self. Without sounding too dramatic, ya know. And now here I am, having graduated with them all, and I’m the only one returning. There’ll be new faces of course, but it all feels a bit lonely.
And don’t get me started on the actual course. Me being me, I didn’t quite look into what a journalism masters course would entail before my application… nor my interview, or even upon being accepted. I looked at it last week. And I think that’s where all this sudden panic has arisen from. For someone whose academic timetable stretched to about five hours a week at most last year (excluding my dissertation, of course…), suddenly jumping to 9-5 classes every day seems a bit much. I know that’s the standard working day, and I think that’s how I’ll have to be looking at it, but still. When will I have time to nap!? And the coursework itself caused me to have to close the tab and just pretend I hadn’t read it. I’m so hoping that my passion for the field will push me to give my all, but I can’t help feeling a little overwhelmed by the expectations.
If I have one strength, though, it’s that I’m not a fan of admitting defeat. And when it comes to journalism, it’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was about 12. I keep thinking about the time in school where we had to talk about a career we wanted, and my teacher was not impressed when I declared I wanted to read the news for Newsbeat on BBC Radio 1. People don’t get to do things like that when they’re from where I’m from. I’d like to hope that this course, whether it turns out to be a direct link or just a stepping stone, will help in some way to change that.