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Advice Beauty Life Thoughts

Me and my skin

I’ve wanted to write a post on this for SO LONG, but I’ve never really taken the leap and just been open about it all. I’m not sure why; it just seems like a scary thing, putting this out for people to see – so we’ll see how long this stays up for.

My appearance. I’ll always be the first person to point out any of my own flaws. I am both my own worst critic and also an incredibly unconfident person. Is unconfident a word? I don’t know. Anyway.

One thing I do struggle to talk about, and absolutely cannot deal with anyone else talking about, is my skin. My skin has always been my biggest flaw – literally. I developed pretty bad eczema as a baby, and I’ve never been quite able to shake it off. Throw some god-awful teenage acne into the mix and you’ve got yourself a gal in her early twenties who can barely bring herself to look in the mirror when one of her regular flare-ups occur.

Not only that, you also get a gal in her twenties who gets – quite often, surprisingly – comments on the amount of makeup she wears. Don’t get me started on the time I worked in a bar at 19. “You’d be a lot prettier if you wore less makeup” and “I know you’re blushing at me somewhere under all that foundation” were just two lines I got, and I laughed them off at the time. The people saying it didn’t mean any harm. But now, it does annoy me. It makes me a little bit angry, actually. But they weren’t to know, along with every other person who commented at school, on nights out, at university, that the reason I cake my face in foundation has been troubling me for over 20 years now and leaves me looking like this:

 

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 00.10.04

(Apologies for being in my pyjamas and not very camera-ready in that photo… I didn’t expect it to make it publicly seen!)

This was a few weeks ago. My eyes started first – it honestly hurt to blink, and I wanted to hide away. I looked like I’d been punched! But I had filming to complete for my degree, so I had to venture outside. Let me tell you, even moisturiser stings when you try to apply it to something as angry as that.

 

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 00.28.00

 

This is how I ended up looking for the rest of the day. You can still clearly see my skin’s a bit of a mess and I was incredibly embarrassed to be walking around like I’d willingly applied my makeup so badly, but I was desperate to cover it up as best I could. And it was heckin’ sore – I flew upstairs to the bathroom to get it off my face as soon as I was home.

(I know this sounds like a whole “woe is me” post – trust me, I’m not looking for sympathy here. I just like to be honest, and hopefully this could prompt more skin-related posts in the future.)

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 00.11.38

Yesterday afternoon. Very unimpressed face (soz, was just out the shower)

 

I’ve been quite down a lot recently. I mean, there’s a lot going on: I’m having a bit of an existential crisis while I apply for jobs, and while I apply for jobs, I’m jobless. Obviously. Based on the job applications, I don’t know which city I’ll be living in in the next few months – or even which country at that. I’m slowly (quickly) running out of money, because I’m spending it all on rent and basic expenses while I have no proper income. And all of that causes muchos stress, which in turn causes flare-ups. Which then causes me to feel down, and get sad and stressed, and get more flare-ups, and I continue feeling sad and in pain and self-conscious until it clears up for a few days.

BUT. One thing I’ve been told since I was a child is to always remember that there are people out there with it worse. Much worse. People who have had such heartbreaking, life-changing things happen to their skin, and that anything I experience is nothing in comparison to what they have to go through. So as much as I complain about my face stinging, or not being able to wear a skirt on a nice day, or having to wear a long-sleeved top on a night out, I always remind myself that they’re incredibly teeny-tiny absolute non-issues in the grand scheme of things.

So, here’s me showing a side to myself that I’ve tried hiding from even the closest people to me, and hopefully helping other people to try and gain a little bit of confidence with their own skin conditions. <3

 

 

 

 

whathannahwrote

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2 COMMENTS

  • This is a very real post that I genuinely appreciate. I’ve always struggled with my skin, starting when it felt like I was the only kid in my school with a face full of freckles. Then, acne starting around 10 years old, on top of the freckles. That lasted horribly for years; now I still get acne, but the main issue is scarring from all that damage. It’s tough to be in your twenties and feel self conscious about your face, wearing makeup, and constantly thinking about how you’re seen. I wish you the best of luck. <3

  • Ellie Phillips

    This was super brave to post! Good luck in your job hunting, something will come up real soon x

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